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A bad case of the boats. - johnnyboatshow
A bad case of the boats.
Tonight is my official first night of frantic, nerve singeing boredom.

There’s no way of describing how bored I am right now. It’s like the wheel of government that they taught you about in eighth grade social studies, where if you’re an extreme enough leftist you basically have the same political philosophies as a fascist.
Except this is like a wheel of fun where boredom can become so extreme it actually causes a stress reaction similar to that of riding a roller coaster. Except it’s still extreme boredom instead of “technically very akin to fun.”

I don’t like anything right now.

I don’t want to eat any of the food at the buffet because it’s just kind of an off night except for the curried butternut squash soup that I love but I already had three bowls. I don’t want to pay money to eat at one of the restaurants that costs money. I don’t want to sit at a table alone in the big dining hall full of old people who want to talk to me about Second City. And I’m not all that hungry.

I don’t feel like working out. I will probably end up working out sometime in the next two hours, but then I won’t have working out as a thing to look forward to.

I hate all of my DVDs. I’ve already spent ten hours in my room today. I was so bored I watched that Dane Cook movie where he’s trying to be employee of the month at CostCo, and what’s worse I kind of liked it. It’s on the crew TV channel all day on repeat. So now I don’t even have the Dane Cook movie to look forward to. I also watched “Frankie and Johnny” starring Al Pacino and Michelle Pfeifer. It’s terrible. And yet I oddly enjoyed not doing something else for its entire duration.

I don’t want to see the production company show, “Colorz,” a musical salute to songs with different colors in their titles, because: a. it’s a musical salute to songs with different colors in their titles, and b. I’m not required to go to it.

It is technically too early to start drinking, which wouldn’t ordinarily stop me, but I’m also alone. I can’t find anybody. All of my crew buddies are working, and my castmates are off being healthy with their lives in various ways that I’m incapable of right now.

These are basically all of my options for what to do with myself. This is what it’s like to be on a ship. When you’re feeling bored, you have to choose between eating, working out, going to see a musical tribute to the colors of the rainbow, reclusively staying in your room and watching a movie or listening to podcasts and blowing a ton of money on the ship’s expensive and slow internet trying to trick the porn filter into letting you see porn, and getting drunk. Those are your basic choices. Oh, and if you’re lucky you can drum up a game of Scrabble.

I didn’t get off the ship today. We were in Gibraltar. It’s a big rock. I get it. I’ll get off the ship here one of the other two times we’ll be stopping here. It’s not like it’s going anywhere.

Yesterday I barely got off the ship. Cadiz, Spain is a great town. Beautiful old architecture, nice beaches, good shopping, you name it. Didn’t do anything for me. I was like “ho hum” and got back on the ship.

We did our last show of this cruise two days ago. I don’t have anything work related to do until a week from tomorrow. That’s nine consecutive days off.

It is going to be a fucking meat grinder.

I am desperately, desperately bored right now. Like I want to jump out of my skin and rake it across a razor wire fence just to shake the boredom out of it. That’s how bored I am.

This is exactly what happens when you live on a ship for long enough. You get low points like these. The high points are nice, too. The church bells echoing throughout the Acropolis moments are there. But man, yeah. I am bored right now.

Wait. Scrabble. I would actually kind of enjoy a round of Scrabble right now. Drunk Scrabble. With Jeff.

I am going to make this happen. This is the most excited I’ve been all day.

Everything’s coming up Johnson, everybody.
3 comments or Leave a comment
From: (Anonymous) Date: November 7th, 2007 11:59 pm (UTC) (Link)


Does this mean you have already written your book? Read all the ones you brought? All the ones locked up in the ship library? Perhaps you should have brought art supplies or language tapes....collages from materials found on shipboard, a one man show? Could you write a screen play about the comedy guy bored into despair on the cruise ship? Take up quilting using lost and found tourist shirts and borrowed sewing supplies? Makes me wonder what I'd do in the same place. I might go nuts without my gardens and the library.
From: (Anonymous) Date: November 8th, 2007 11:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
Are you depressed?
From: (Anonymous) Date: November 9th, 2007 03:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
I encourage you to write a guide to each of the cities that you guys belly up in. I think a ben johnson travel guide would be a hot seller. Get some sun. Love, stonelake.
3 comments or Leave a comment